The last time I was with Radhanath Swami was in Chicago, over the summer 2017.
Maharaj saw us before the event in the hall way and greeted us with love and gratitude.
We sat up front for the talk. We danced and sang during the kirtan.
Shiva Das and I sat in the back while everyone went up one by one to have their books signed.
Maharaj gave each one his undivided attention. He never got up from his seated posture that he was in all evening.
After the last devotee, got up to walk away, Maharaj looked over to us and waved us over.
We sat down. I am always speechless around him. My heart overflows and tears of joy flood my eyes. I can't explain it.
Maharaj spoke to me and to my heart so deeply that I had to look away.
Very powerful messages, deep love...
I wished for him good health. I knew he had been sick. The last time we saw him he had an infection in his lungs. He asked how we were, and I had said that I was very well. I even had the thought that I am healthy enough to give him some of my energy, my health.
The next day on the drive home, I wasn't feeling well.
By the following day. I had a cough.
The cough persisted a week, then two weeks.
Then a fever. 3 days, a trip to urgent care, 3 more days of fever
and now, I had lost my voice and hearing in one ear, urgent care again,
they told me it was a virus I would have to wait it out.
But day 7 my fever was 103, so I asked Shiva Das to take me to the hospital.
I couldn't breath. I couldn't get a full breath.
The ER said my vitals were dangerously low and they admitted me to the hospital.
They were saying I had all the symptoms of Sepsis.
I didn't know what that was so I didn't think about it or worry.
After 24 hours of antibiotics and fluids my vitals were better and I was given the option to go home, so I did. The doctors in the hospital referred to me as "the one who doesn't go to the doctor." It's true. I only went this time, because I truly thought I might die if I didn't get some medical attention, and that would be irresponsible of me. That was my sincere thought.
It took over a month to get my voice and hearing back. I learned patience and my faith grew stronger. I pondered if I took on the illness of Maharaji, or gave him my wellness?
Today, April 22, 2018 we were reunited with Maharaj at the ISKON Farmington Hills Temple grand opening celebration. Again, we met in the hall and then later after his talk,
he came and sat with us and a few of our friends.
He was vibrant. Healthy. He shined like the sun, and when he looked at me I felt that I shined the same way. I had no words to share only energy and love. He shared poetic words and I felt his deep caring and love. He even said "I am trying to poetically express my feelings for you." Again I am speechless and overwhelmed by his radiance.
The path is still unfolding for me. And on the path I always find Radhanath Swami and
he always finds me.
Hare Krishna.
"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need." - Rolling Stones
The Lyrics of this Rolling Stones song
have been present in my mind the last couple of days.
It is the practice of Ishvara Pranidhanani - having faith in what is,
even if what is, seems totally wrong and unjust:
The Las Vegas shooting,
Workers pounding loudly on the roof for a solid hour while you teach a Yoga Class;
Miscommunication every where, lack of caring or concern growing like a virus;
Driving an hour in rush hour to practice with your friend only to find that when you arrive,
She is out of town;
the loss of Tom Petty.
I didn't get what I wanted yesterday.
So at the end of a challenging day, what is left?
God.
Who or what can you count on?
God.
It is true. It is what my teacher, Bhagavan Das teaches and it is
THE teaching of life.
So what did I need today?
To be reminded of this teaching.
The practice is to trust the challenges, the difficulties, the loss,
the insanity, as part of the divine plan -
to help us find our way back to what is true and what is real.
May we all find it.
Last Sunday Dave and I were at VEGFEST in Novi, with our House Of Yoga booth.
We got just a handful of visitors, but a couple very special ones!
A former student of mine from CCS (College for Creative Studies), appeared before me.
He graduated 2004-ish I believe. I was his teacher his Freshman year and we had kept in touch throughout his time at CCS. I attended his graduation from CCS. We kept in touch for a couple years afterward, however, it had been a good 10 years since I had last seen him or connected.
When I looked up and saw him standing there, it was as if no time had passed.
"CLARENCE !" I exclaimed.
I gave him a big hug
and I was so overjoyed to see him,
to see him anywhere would have been nice,
but to see him at VEGFEST - wow!
During my time at CCS, I would advocate a Vegetarian diet to my students.
In my digital media and animation classes (Flash based) I showed the Meatrix animation.
I showed it not only because I felt the techniques were relevant for the animation but because the content and message are so important, especially for young people to know about factory farming and how they can choose to NOT cause harm (practice of Ahimsa) to animals and the environment.
Clarence was accompanied by a beautiful young lady, Mishae, who may have been the Shakti behind his presence at VegFest. After I hugged Clarence, Mishae asked for a hug from me as well. A sweet soul. I liked her right away.
Literally moments later a young man approached.
He stood in front of me smiling and said,
"Do you know who I am?"
I replied, "from Baker College"?
I was THE full-time faculty teacher and CHAIR of the Graphic Design Department at Baker College in Flint from 1996-1999. He nodded yes.
"Cameron?" I asked.
He said Yes. So there stood two young men, who I knew when they were boys really, 18 years old, standing before me. They both, saw that House Of Yoga was at the Festival and made it a point to come see me. The three of us talked and reconnected.
At the end of the day,
Clarence returned, because he had "one more question." This was always how he was as a student.
He said, "What's up with your name?"
I responded, "Durga Devi?"
"Yes," he said.
So I did my best to explain. The name was given to me, and "Shiva Das" to Dave,
about 2 years ago by Sharada Devi and Bhagavan Das who are our teachers of Bhakti (devotion) through Mantra.
I told Clarence that I have been having difficulty fully embracing the name as it is a huge responsibility. That Durga is the mother of it all! Everything that exists. And I wasn't sure if I could live up to that. Durga is strong, fierce, loving. One description Bhagavan Das uses is "She who takes away difficulty."
He looked at me and smiled. He said, "you are already doing it, they gave you the name because they see that, and they want you to see it too."
The STUDENT does become the TEACHER.
I was very moved by his sensitivity and insight and remembered why we had developed a special bond back when I was his teacher at CCS.
This was the highlight of my day at VegFest. And of course reconnecting with the ISKON Temple and Hare Krishnas!
I know I will see Clarence again very soon.
Sarva Mangalam,
Durga Devi
When Shiva Das and I had a Satsang with Ram Dass over 10 years ago (via Skype),
we expressed our concerns as being a small yoga studio big on ETHICS and in teaching the REAL practices of yoga - we felt we were, even back then, going against the "norm" of the more popular yoga studios.
Ram Dass assured us that we ARE going against the grain, but we must uphold the integrity of the practices and the teachings.
He told us, "Although you are in the role of a Yoga Teacher, you are bringing souls to God, this is what you do."
It is a big job!
So much to get through.
The layers of fear, of ego, of judgement.....and on and on.
So we are not very popular.
Why?
Because when you tell us, I love your studio,
but today's class was too crowded for me,
so I have found a new place to practice,
we respond with a teaching about preferences,
about selflessness, and about Ahimsa!
So what you love, and believe in,
you no longer support because of your mood today?
How is that the practice of a yogi?
These scenarios are never ending for us.
It is too hot in the studio, it is too cold in the studio,
I like morning classes, I only like evening classes.....
I wish it was like, or like that, I like what you said, I didn't like what you said.
When we are stuck in our likes and dislikes we are trapped.
We are in prison.
We can not experience Yoga,
which is a state of loving compassion
and UNION with divine presence with in us and around us.
External desires and preferences need to be recognized.
If a teacher cares enough, they will shine the light there for you,
to see it in yourself.
Only when YOU see it, can YOU change it.
But usually you don't like it.
So you leave.
And the lesson is not learned,
and no change occurs, so the wheels keep turning
and you don't understand why you are unhappy.
We keep going.We have learned great patience.
I never knew I was capable of such spaciousness.
We keep shining, keep loving all,
even those who leave,
we love you.
And we really hope you get it,
that you get to experience what is real.
That one day there is an awakening
and you experience real love, real bliss from within.
The external world will NEVER satisfy us.
It is the internal world that holds the key to
unwavering contentment
and peace.
If we want to be free,
We need to be open to being uncomfortable.
Only through this friction can we grow and break
free from the cocoon that we are so comfortable in
and become the butterfly, beautiful and free, bringing joy
to all.
We need to look, where we would rather not - inside.
Face our mind, our ego, our preferences, our fears....
and realize-
THESE ARE NOT REAL.
"Only God is Real." - Bhagavan Das
Only a few will get to this place. This realization.
We know it is hard.
But the true reality is we will all go somewhere else eventually.
And when it is your time to go, to leave your home, your body,
that which is comfortable....
how will you be?
Will you be at peace?
Will your heart be open and loving?
Or will you be saying "No, this isn't what I want."
The inevitable is death of the body.
We should live our lives with great passion and compassion,
strive to know our TRUE SELF,
to find peace within,
then our lives will be a blessing to our SELF
and also to OTHERS.
Sarva Mangalam
I recently had the good fortune to teach yoga to a small group of lovely beings.
They are an older population 70's - 80's who are deaf.
One man is also blind.
I had been with them for the first time over the summer.
I returned on the the full moon, January 12. Also my daughter's birthday,
so I felt it to be a very auspicious day.
I remembered them all, and was delighted to see them again.
We began at the beginning with "Namaste."
I shared with them that we are the same,
and that my light and goodness,
sees their light and goodness.
The interpreters signed for them.
We began to breath together.
I talked about the breath.
I walked over to Bob, the man who was blind as well as deaf
and the interpreter signed in his hand "yoga teacher."
I touched his shoulder to let him know I was there.
I breathed Ujayyi breath close to his neck so he could feel the breath.
I taught the group the 6 movements of the spine and explained the benefits
of keeping their spines healthy. We were all in chairs as they had limited mobility
and needed the support.
We moved on to warm up all the joints. There were some questions as we went
and I welcomed the inquiries.
We did core strengthening and sun salutations.
We concluded with Sivasana and lavender oil.
When I approached Bob,
the interpreter signed for him in his hand to breath deeply through his nose.
I touched his third eye with a drop of oil and pulled his shoulders back.
He began to breath very deeply,
and then an amazing thing happened,
he smiled!
The staff said he hadn't smiled in a long, long time.
They were delighted at the sight of seeing this man,
who is often very isolated and alone - happy.
After class I asked if there were questions.
We got into a discussion.
One woman was upset she could not hear laughter.
I waited for the interpreter to finish and then I replied.
I said to her, "but you can smell the rain!"
She had told me earlier that she could smell that the rain was coming.
She asked me if I could smell it before it started. I said I could not.
I shared with her that often when once sense is lost (like hearing)
another sense becomes heightened, almost like a super power!
And it is a gift.
She smiled.
I said look at Bob, the man who could not see or hear.
I said when he smelled the lavender oil it made him so happy.
It probably brought back many memories.
His sense of smell is probably twice as strong as yours, can you imagine that!
The time together was a great remembrance to be grateful for what we have
to enjoy being together,
smelling together,
breathing together,
and to see the sameness in each other rather than differences.
Sarva Mangalam
Shiva Das and I sat in the back while everyone went up one by one to have their books signed.
